and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
