Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
