oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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