Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
