he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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