Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
