Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
