yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
