fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
