i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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