PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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