Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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