Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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