is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
