I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
