Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
