My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
