I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
