got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
