my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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