so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
