nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
okay pat passed out under dana's car
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize