her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
