I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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