I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
