please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
