I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
