I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
