i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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