hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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