hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
