You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need water and some morals
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
