What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this just has baby written all over it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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