so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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