i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
