i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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