I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
