New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize