I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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