I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
