All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
