omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
