She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
