the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hippo gnu deer
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
