It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
