1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
