Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize