im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
