Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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