Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
