Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
