wrigley field is MILF paradise
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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