Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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