would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
