Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
