she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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