if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
