Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
a search helicopter?!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
