OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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