yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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