i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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