Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
