I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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