can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
