if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
