and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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