i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize