Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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