It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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