Please, let me fuck your mom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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