We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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