i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize