Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
