Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
