Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
