take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
