i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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