making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
