Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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