i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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