Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
