I need help removing her.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
