Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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