worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize