Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
