im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were trust falling into bushes
A+ Viking dick
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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