I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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